Tired and exhausted. Was stranded for four hours on the road today because of the super duper traffic jam. 5.00 to 9.00 pm. Yes, I eat my food for berbuka puasa just at 9.00 pm. By that time, there's no more desire left in me to eat. I just want my sleep. But, again, I can't. I have a test tomorrow. What to do? Go and read the book! Big Bang! Let's go. Miahne my syg. I will definitely fall asleep straight away if I listen to On & On now. I love On & On, but just not at this very little time that I have for now.

      Happy birthday to one and only Kwon Ji Yong! May all your dreams come true. Every day is a fun day with you in my screen (no matter in television, cell phone or even laptop screen). Have a great birthday, Ji Yong! Produce lovable song like Lies more! I'm going to love you for a long time as I wish I could marry you (: Stay healthy! Stay happy! Always smile because your smile always make my day <33 I wish I could see you even for once. I wish. Happy birthday!

.. ily always ..

      Been a while since last I posted my last entry. I feel empty, but also full at the same time. I'm having my mid-semester break at the moment. 1 week of holidays! Yeay for that, but not a yeay too. Lots of assignment, lab reports and tutorials to do in that 1 week times. Kyaa. Why? Why? Simple. Because I am a student. 

      Maybe tomorrow I'll start doing my work. I just want to sit and doing nothing today. From last night until now, I only see Jiyong and friends at my television screen. Love is breaking! That is what the starting for the song that Big Bang dance to at my screen now. I miss Jiyong infamous bowl haircut now. His new hairstyle, totally not what I prefer to see, but somehow, I'm used to it now.

      Day by day, I feel like I don't have anything more to say. I just enjoy the feeling of being quiet. I enjoy my alone time. Wandering around without anyone accompanying me. I just feel happy that way. So, if I don't talk a lot to you like before at the moment, don't take it to your heart. I just don't feel like talking. I like this feeling at the moment. Quiet. Just let the music fill the emptiness. This Love (Jiyong-ah. Who is that 'J'?).

      "You should never ever play with other people's feelings. The world holds a million of things you can play with. A person's emotion is definitely not one of them."

      Sometimes, it is funny to see how life could fool you. It is funny to see how one simple question could leading to reveal a secret. It is funny to see that how one simple answer could shatter someone's heart. It is funny to see that how one simple desire makes you lost something precious in your life without you even realize it. In life, did you realize, even laughter were shared, but there's still someone who shed a tear? Getting hurt and get a wounded heart. There are people who still crying. There are people who finally regretting. There are people who daringly fighting. There are people who deeply wondering. There are people who patiently waiting. There are people who silently crying. There are people who bleeding inside. There are people who totally hurting.

      I wish I could give up on a relationship. If this relationship will end up hurting both of us, should we struggle to maintain our friendship? Friendship is not something that you should force yourself to. It should go naturally. What's the point if at last, both of us crying, regretting and keep wondering? What's the point if at last, both of us have to fight for it? What's the point of this friendship if at last, both of us are silently crying, bleeding inside, and totally hurting?

      Maybe we don't realize how each of us is hurting each other, or maybe we did realize, but we just ignore it. People can be so ignorant, which is so scary. We think we know who we are, who our friends are, and who we love. We think we know, but do we really know? Maybe we know, but maybe we don't. Because we choose not to know or maybe we don't care enough to want to know, and we don't realize it until too late. Sooner or later, everyone will suffer for their ignorance.

      I'm loving this phrase, "Nobody can go back and start anew beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." Life could be better, right :)

      I thought after Jaejoong, my heart will never can afford to like/love someone else like how I love Jaejoong. Love is a big word. We don't say that we love somebody, if else we really do. So, trust me. When I say I love Jaejoong, I really mean it. Love doesn't mean to be that you need to be with that person, or the person that you love should love you back. No. Who says that you can't love someone that don't even know your existence in this world? Don't you ever say that to me. For me, my heart is free. I can like/love anyone that I like, even he doesn't even know that I exist in this big world. My heart is free to like/love someone until the day it will be return to it Creator.

      Back to the first line. I don't know why, how, when ... but what I know is I already like or should I say love GD? Yes, I know. GD is not as good looking as Jaejoong. I still remember, when I said GD is cute and one of my friends said, no. GD is not that cute, Jaejoong is better. I said GD is cute, but I don't say that he is cuter than Jaejoong. I never said that! I repeat, I never ever said that GD is cuter than Jaejoong. But, is it wrong if you already have someone that you like/love, but one day, you find out that you like/love another person who is in other eyes, he's not as good looking as the one that you already like/love before? After all, my friends are free to say whatever that they want. Yup. We live in a free country.

      My life was miserable at one moment. I cry and cry, but nothing change even if I cry until my eyes turn blind. And at that moment, suddenly my mp3 was playing the song with phrases - "Love is pain. To all my brokenhearted people, once own a fame, and screen my name. I'm so sick of love song. Yeah, I hate the da.mn love song. Memento of ours. Koh-ji-mal." Love is pain. Like a person who was searching for water to drink in a dessert and suddenly found it, I was like being given a new hope. Weird? Yup. Weird. I don't know with what sense to support my next sentences, but yeah. That song makes me think back. You can cry because of love, but didn't love can make you happy too? Love doesn't mean to be a love between a boy and a girl only. Family. You love your family too, right? I'm sure you do. Since that moment, I know I love Big Bang more and more because when in that miserable moment of mine, I only keep on repeating their albums. Maybe because they have less ballad, sad love song, that will only make me cry more and more at that time. To my DBSK oppas, you're always be in my heart. I love you, just that I love Big Bang too now.

      Kyaa. This entry is weird. There's no particular thing in this entry. Just a random thought that I have at this moment. I just want to write, but I don't know why I said all the things above. I had better stop now, or more random thought will come out later.

      Gahhh. So many things happened to me last week. I wish for sunshine, but it's raining. But, I do realize, there's something I could learn and get from the rain. Life is about give and take. Last week was such a most miserable week in my life, I don't think I have to say anymore about that because it was heartbreaking. Past is past. I believe there must be a reason why I am the one who were chosen to face it. I accept my fate with open heart. Who am I to say anything about fate? No one.

      Selfish. I believe there's only one selfish that is sweet in this world, that is Selfish song, singing by N'SYNC. Other than that, I would say, the word selfish itself would make you turn off from anything or even anyone. Sometimes, I do wonder, how far a person can go with their selfishness. Do they realize when they acted like that? Or they don't? No wonder a stranger can act so selfish to you if the one that you called friend also sometimes can do that to you.

      Maybe because I am still in my miserable mode, I'm a bit sensitive at the moment. But, why should I be ditched just because I stayed at home, not at college or rent house with other? "We need boys!". That sentence hurts me so much. Am I nothing compared to the boys? Just because they are boys, and I am a girl, is that mean that I can't do better? Thank you so much friend! I really appreciate and thankful for the one sweet sentence. You are so sweet! Just one thing, don't ever underestimate someone because you'll regret it sooner or later.

Like An Angel ... NOT!

Look at the stars, and not the reflection of the moon.